First Time Out
Posted by Jessica A. on July 20, 2009
I went out in public en femme for the first time Saturday.
I suppose that’s not technically true, since I’ve actually stepped outside the Center (for clarification, the Sacramento GLBT Center on the corner of L and 20) dressed up before, but this was different. This was actually walking around town a bit, sitting around outside waiting for a friend, and such.
It started after my therapy appointment that afternoon. I was nervous, so my therapist offered to sit outside with me a few minutes while I waited for my friend to show up. (As an aside, I have the bestest therapist ever.) We waited around ten minutes until my friend showed up.
I was nervous and excited all at once. I hadn’t really known what to expect. Things just went on as they do in the city. And there I was, watching people go by, talking with my therapist. In all it was really uneventful. Which made it the most wonderful thing ever.
It’s really hard to describe my feelings. I felt so strange, yet so right. It seems so strange that a simple change of clothes can do that.
My friend showed up and took me to a birthday party she had been invited to. I felt less comfortable here, but that’s mostly because I’ve never done well in a crowd of people. Even in big groups that I know, I can be a wallflower. That said, I had fun, simply because the birthday lady was really funny, and fun to be around.
After that, we went to a transgender support group that I hadn’t been to before. (There are two in my area that I know of. I’ve been attending one at the Center, but this one was at Sutter Hospital.) I had some trouble getting there; I got separated from the people I was following and couldn’t find them. However, I was able to make my way to the Center (Whoever decided on Sacramento’s ABC 123 grid layout deserves major kudos) and call another friend for directions. I’m very surprised I was able to build up the courage to call someone, I’m very nervous when it comes to the telephone. I’m so glad I did though.
The Sutter group was great. Everyone was friendly and talkative. Dr. Milazzo, the facilitator, actually complimented me, saying she was surprised to hear that was my first time out. She encouraged me to keep coming, which I shall certainly do.
Beyond the group, though, it was great actually walking around a bit. It helped to build up confidence, just the walk along the street to the hospital, or to the party earlier.
All in all, had a great day. I need to do that more often.